Before you scream

About a week after my first major breakthrough, I had several things that were all getting to the point of being unbearable. One big thing was that my husband was having trouble finding a good job, which was causing him to be stressed. But, probably the worst was the spiders! These giant spiders were terribly huge! One day I found one in the bottom of one of my coffee mugs that I had sitting on the counter waiting to have coffee poured in. That sucker was so big, he filled the bottom of my mug! Ugh, it was so disgusting, I placed a saucer over the top of the mug to keep it in there until my wonderful husband could come home and get rid of it for me. Also, these nasty things RUN. They don't build webs, but they run really fast. For a while, we were killing at least one a day. It was a horrific thing!


Shortly after killing that day's spider, I was speaking with a friend of mine, and she said "It sounds like God's trying to see how much you can take before you'll scream."

It was in that moment that I realised that I had been (figuratively) screaming at God. I kept thinking, "Why are we having so much trouble with: finding a job, having a baby, dealing with icky spiders and crazy families," etc. Again, I thought about that day's mimi sermon, (about how we deserve nothing but death, and the fire of Hell for eternity) and realised that the whole time I was so upset about all of these things, the very God I had been asking "Why?" gave His ONLY Son for me!

And I had been grumbling about the fact that He took my first baby, when He had willingly given His Son for me! I couldn't believe it! It was so very selfish of me. Once again, I had to stop and ask His forgiveness for my bad attitude.

I still struggle with bad attitudes, it can still be hard for me to see friends and family with children, and pregnant, but before I get too grumpy and whiney, I remember that my Lord gave His life for me, and that was far more grace than I should ever receive!