Rambling

It's spring again, and I'm ready to get out and work and clean everything! It's amazing what a little sunshine will do!

Hopefully later todayI'll be able to get some more done on the paperwork, it seems like it's taking forever. I never imagined that it would be so emotionally draining. It's hard to think of answers to some of the questions, and there are others that are difficult because of the memories they drag up. It'll all be worth it, if at the end of it all, I can be a Mother to some hurting child or children.

It is days like today that I really want to go take a walk with my little son or daughter. I know that at some point, one way or another, if God is willing, I will be able to do so. It's the waiting that's so hard!

Almost three months ago, I was handed a diagnosis of PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). Not a fun thing, but I am very glad for some answers. It explains the miscarriage that I had, and several other problems that have had me very concerned over the past few years. Now, taking medication for it, I am feeling SO much better, several things have straightened themselves out, and I just feel better generally. I'd been having migraines every day since August, and those have gone now. I also have so much more energy, and have fewer sugar cravings - which had been coming very frequently.

It also means, though, that it will be harder for me to ever have children. It will be harder to concieve, and harder to carry a baby to term. I understand this, and have come to terms with the fact that I may never be able to experience the wonder of having my child growing within me, but somedays it's just the hardest thing to think of.

There are women out there who take birth control until they want a baby, then get pregnant right after they stop taking them. I am very happy for these women that they can get pregnant and have their baby, but it's really hard sometimes wondering why. Why isn't a question that we're really supposed to ask, especially in this, but it seems that it would be easier with just an answer to that little question.

Someday I will have finished all the paperwork, and will be able to go on with the process to adopt a child, but until then, I will enjoy the wonderful life that I have, with my beloved, and the children of friends and family who are nearby.