March 19th came and went without me realising it this year. March 19, 2007 was my very first due date. Each year it has come and gone with a little bit less of a reminder, and this year, I was vaugely aware that there was something about that day. It wasn't until the next day that I realised what it was. For you ladies who have been through a loss, there is hope. It is true that time eases the pain and the burden. I will never forget that there is a little one waiting for me in Heaven, but the burden of that knowledge grows a little lighter every year.
For those of you who have not yet even gotten to the point of pregnancy, and are grieving and struggling over that, there is hope for you too. I have heard of many couples now who went years without getting pregnant, then, when all hope was gone, found themselves with a baby on the way. I was one of those. Although I'd gotten pregnant my 3rd month of marriage, I lost that baby right away, and it was almost exactly 4 more years before I got pregnant again. One lady told me that she'd been married for 14 years before she got pregnant. One friend of my mom's had one son, then waited 15 years before she was able to have another. A friend of my husband had been married for almost 5 years before their first child was born.
Back in 2007, I was so upset that I was still not pregnant. I had those who would ask me every time they saw me if I was yet. I had those who thought they were being funny asking when my turn was when hearing another woman announce her pregnancy. I couldn't understand why it wasn't right at that point! Now I can see that God's timing is perfect, and if we just rest in Him, He will make all things good in their time. I'm not saying that He will give you children. It may be that He has other plans for you, I cannot know. All I know is that if you give this area of your life to Him, truly trusting Him to do what is best - not easiest, not most fun, but BEST - you will find the sweet peace that comes from resting on His everlasting arms.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Who is it Really?
This is something that I've been thinking about for a time now, and finally decided to blog about it. It's not easy to write, and I think it will not be easy to read, but I think it needs to be said.
When we get upset because we hear about another woman getting pregnant, or a woman getting pregnant again, who are we really getting upset with? Can we honestly say we're upset with that lady? How? Has she done some supernatural thing to ensure that she has the fertility that we want? No woman has control over her ability to get pregnant when it's easy for her any more than when it's hard. Ultimately it's God Who gives the fertility or infertility, Who makes it easy to conceive and carry to term, or hard to. Let's face it, even fertility treatments (such as in-vitro fertilization, fertility increasing drugs, and other procedures) have a chance of failure. There's literally nothing that a woman can do to be sure that she will get pregnant. It's all in the hands of God.
I write this with understanding and compassion for those who are struggling with this. I was one of those who hung up the phone after one of *those* phone calls, turned to my husband, and cried. It has been hard for me to hear friend after friend call to tell me her good news of a new baby on the way.
However, I had to come to the point where I was honest with myself, and truly asked "Who is it that I'm mad at?" It was startling, and hard to deal with when I realised that I was saying, "God, it's not fair! You shouldn't be giving them children and not me! Why have You done this?" I think that was the turning point for me, the point that I was able to confess my bad attitudes, and actually come to the point of truly being able to be happy for those friends of mine.
When we get upset because we hear about another woman getting pregnant, or a woman getting pregnant again, who are we really getting upset with? Can we honestly say we're upset with that lady? How? Has she done some supernatural thing to ensure that she has the fertility that we want? No woman has control over her ability to get pregnant when it's easy for her any more than when it's hard. Ultimately it's God Who gives the fertility or infertility, Who makes it easy to conceive and carry to term, or hard to. Let's face it, even fertility treatments (such as in-vitro fertilization, fertility increasing drugs, and other procedures) have a chance of failure. There's literally nothing that a woman can do to be sure that she will get pregnant. It's all in the hands of God.
I write this with understanding and compassion for those who are struggling with this. I was one of those who hung up the phone after one of *those* phone calls, turned to my husband, and cried. It has been hard for me to hear friend after friend call to tell me her good news of a new baby on the way.
However, I had to come to the point where I was honest with myself, and truly asked "Who is it that I'm mad at?" It was startling, and hard to deal with when I realised that I was saying, "God, it's not fair! You shouldn't be giving them children and not me! Why have You done this?" I think that was the turning point for me, the point that I was able to confess my bad attitudes, and actually come to the point of truly being able to be happy for those friends of mine.
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