Who is it Really?

This is something that I've been thinking about for a time now, and finally decided to blog about it. It's not easy to write, and I think it will not be easy to read, but I think it needs to be said.

When we get upset because we hear about another woman getting pregnant, or a woman getting pregnant again, who are we really getting upset with? Can we honestly say we're upset with that lady? How? Has she done some supernatural thing to ensure that she has the fertility that we want? No woman has control over her ability to get pregnant when it's easy for her any more than when it's hard. Ultimately it's God Who gives the fertility or infertility, Who makes it easy to conceive and carry to term, or hard to. Let's face it, even fertility treatments (such as in-vitro fertilization, fertility increasing drugs, and other procedures) have a chance of failure. There's literally nothing that a woman can do to be sure that she will get pregnant. It's all in the hands of God.

I write this with understanding and compassion for those who are struggling with this. I was one of those who hung up the phone after one of *those* phone calls, turned to my husband, and cried. It has been hard for me to hear friend after friend call to tell me her good news of a new baby on the way.

However, I had to come to the point where I was honest with myself, and truly asked "Who is it that I'm mad at?" It was startling, and hard to deal with when I realised that I was saying, "God, it's not fair! You shouldn't be giving them children and not me! Why have You done this?" I think that was the turning point for me, the point that I was able to confess my bad attitudes, and actually come to the point of truly being able to be happy for those friends of mine.